And we wake up in the breakdom
Of the things we never thought we could be.
------

I've decided that one of these days, I am going to pack a bag, hop on a bus; and fly far, far away to the little cafe in my dreams, where I will order a long black (no milk, no sugar) and blur into a corner, where I will watch people as they pass by (woman in a powersuit, girl in black eyeliner and dark jeans, boy with a purple mohawk) and scribble abstract poetry; and for those few hours or so,

I will find myself again.

...Things these days are improving. I find I've been getting tired more regularly through classes- but that's probably just because I've been running every morning.
...Still, I don't numb myself to the things I used to, and that's a start.

Jean and I, though, have come to a rather startling (and rather sad) theory/conclusion about _________ (I'm not playing Hangman), and hey- here's something going out to you:

You can't even cry, can you? Something has been taken away from you.
You're numb, and you know what?
I think you're grateful for it.
No wonder you're afraid of ending up alone.
Because the day you are, you're going to have to look inside yourself, and see what I've known for a long time.
There's nothing there.

...Dawson's Creek speaks the truth, and although life does seem prettier in the movies;
I reckon I'm happy where I am right now.

Especially since I'm surrounded by tigresses/tigers and cottens (cat-otter-swan) and warthogs and owls and beavers and mountain goats and baboons and porpupines and badgers/otters. :]

And for the record- I'm a PESCATARIAN wildcat, which means no go to eating owls for breakfast.
No worries, you poor widdle herbivores.
I prefer Cheerios.

...Speaking of friends- I've been scrolling around people's blogs, trying to figure out if I'm on their 25 Things list, which I probably am for a coupluv them- and, if so, which one's mine. :/
I'm going to quote something Kat said for her 25 Things here, since it happened to strike me...

"Hide your more hurtful feelings better. People always prefer a pretty glittery mask."

...Oh, darlings, when did we become so jaded?
When did we become so cold and when have we hurt this much and when have we started building our little grey walls?

I'm not quite sure which one I detest more- people hiding their feelings, or people showing them openly.
I'm not quite sure which one I like more, either.

And sometimes I turn on my iPod and listen to songs about girls who crumble behind their beautiful masks of steel and it makes me cry, because I've realized that
we have forgotten how to feel.

...And if anybody's hurting... I'm taking another approach and asking you not to put on a mask.
Loveliness and glitter only shine for that one Opening Night.
Take it to Him, take it to your friends, take it to those who care about you;
because we love you and we don't want you to hurt, we know that you lie on your bed at nights, sleepless and wide awake and terrified of the thoughts that crowd your head, and we know how you scream into your pillow and cry into your sheets

and oh, we want you to stop hurting.

Also, if ever I fall in love-
I want to fall in love with a person, not a mask.
I want to fall in love with a heart, and not an actor.
And I want it to be REAL, and not just a prologue.

So darlings- take off your masks and stop pretending, stop acting, it's okay- let's stop romanticizing here.

Because in real life, there's nothing pretty about a broken mask;

and it's getting harder to tell who the men and the monsters are.